Monday, 27 March 2017

The Best Game Ever

Monday march 27 2017


In the afternoon room 7 was going skateboarding they were very happy, but then they over heard that it is canceled. So Miss Ashley told us to line up and stay there then we all did, people ask why are we lining up they told MIss Ashley. MIss Ashley said you will see


Room 7 walked all the way to the basketball court with Room 8 Once we got there the teachers said that we are going to play line basketball, some people said NO!!! And a lot of  people said YES!!!. After people STOPPED!!! TALKING!!!!


Miss Ashley we need to get in line but boy girl boy girl style, After we all stopped talking we started to play that she first the called was 4 then room 8 and room 7 raced their heart fast than and truck and grab the ball and started running to the hoops and keep trying to get a score


After about 5 minutes room 8 got a score we were very angry so then One of the teacher called out 2 then me and Amon ran to get the ball then we ran out of time and didn’t get a score. But when the other kids went they got us a point ( Thank you Lord ) After everyone had a try it was going to be the last game and likey i was in the front then i ran as fast as a cheater and my heart bumped faster and faster the minutes and went Some from my team try to get the ball in the hoop he missed then i got the ball and try to get the ball in the hoop and i did likey and was in the front if i was not they would not get a point well i had fun and other kid that said no they wanted to play some more but we didn’t so what we did was line up and wake to class and THE END


Marking my story!
Ideas
Structure and Language
Organisation
Vocabulary
Sentence Structure
Spelling
Punctuation
R5
R3
R4
R3
R3
R5
R2
Total score (add the numbers next to the R’s altogether)
28
My E-asttle score is … (click here and see what your score is)
3A

1 comment:

  1. One way to get more points in your marking is to use speech marks where you have talking. Like this -
    people asked "why are we lining up?"

    Another thing to watch is the length of your sentences. Some are veeery long..
    Try to use some short sentences as well to create mood in your writing.
    Like this -
    He sprinted across the court and... swoosh! It was in!

    ReplyDelete